Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
