I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
