THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He shit in the fireplace
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