I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
