I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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