Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
