Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
