Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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