Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
nutella sex= disaster
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
