remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
