We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize