just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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