I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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