we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
