I am spending my child support on dildos
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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