he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
