Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
