I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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