so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
