I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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