real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
