lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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