We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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