oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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