why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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