If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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