Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize