Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Randomize
