Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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