i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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