so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
