It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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