Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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