i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
