Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
