Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I will pee on everything he values.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
