somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
