i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
