I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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