I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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