I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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