I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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