He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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