I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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