If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
