Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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