you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
