if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
