I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
