I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she peed on how many people?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
