I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
two words: eviction party
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
