Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize