i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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