I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
