i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
