I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
