i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
