I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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