I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
