Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
