this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
