while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
