My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
