my room smells like sperm. sweet.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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