I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize