He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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