I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
