I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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