i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
