I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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