isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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